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They took a twenty dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home. The father told the mother, "If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible he will be a clergyman but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home. He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. Then, he took the twenty dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took a whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead and said, "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined..."

"What do you mean?" his wife asked.

"Our son is going to be a politician!" replied the very unhappy father.]]> General http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080914-192801 Resources For Attorneys politicaljokes@resourcesforattorneys.com Mon, 15 Sep 2008 00:28:01 GMT http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=09&entry=entry080914-192801 http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080914-192036
As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.

He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.

"Mr. President," he said, grinning broadly, "after fifteen years of hard research costing billions of dollars, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars."

He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.

He said, "But that's impossible ... we could never do it. ... yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously.

"I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars ... he wants us to try to find it in Congress."]]> General http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080914-192036 Resources For Attorneys politicaljokes@resourcesforattorneys.com Mon, 15 Sep 2008 00:20:36 GMT http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=09&entry=entry080914-192036 http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080914-191329
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning division and hired two people, one person to write the instructions and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a quality control (QC) division and hired two people, one to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created a payroll division and hired two more people a time keeper and a payroll officer.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative division and hired three more people: an Admin Officer, Assistant Admin Officer and a Legal Secretary.

Then, one year later, Congress reviewed the operation of the desert scrap yard and said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $22,000 over budget. We must cut back overall costs!" So they eliminated the night watchman.
]]> General http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080914-191329 Resources For Attorneys politicaljokes@resourcesforattorneys.com Mon, 15 Sep 2008 00:13:29 GMT http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=09&entry=entry080914-191329 http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080910-204350
He said, "How come you didn't follow in his footsteps instead of choosing this way of life?"

She sighed and said, "Oh, just lucky I guess. Besides, I had my moral standards to uphold."]]> General http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080910-204350 Resources For Attorneys politicaljokes@resourcesforattorneys.com Thu, 11 Sep 2008 01:43:50 GMT http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=09&entry=entry080910-204350 http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080910-204041
"It's me, President Bill Clinton."

"And what do you want?" asked St. Peter.

"Lemme in!" replied Clinton.

"Soooo," pondered Peter. "What bad things did you do on earth?"

Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had extra-marital sex, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't really have sexual relations. And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."

After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And don't 'abandon all hope' upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."]]> Bill Clinton http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080910-204041 Resources For Attorneys politicaljokes@resourcesforattorneys.com Thu, 11 Sep 2008 01:40:41 GMT http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=09&entry=entry080910-204041 http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080910-203302 Barack Obama http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080910-203302 Resources For Attorneys politicaljokes@resourcesforattorneys.com Thu, 11 Sep 2008 01:33:02 GMT http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=09&entry=entry080910-203302 http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080910-203100
After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota . There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.

At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish. Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another ‘bad hair’ day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, ‘Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin’ son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.’ The next night (after John McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry Reid said to Obama, ‘Well, tell me, how is he cheating?’

Obama replied, ‘Harry, you’re not going to believe this, but he’s cutting holes in the ice!’]]> Barack Obama http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080910-203100 Resources For Attorneys politicaljokes@resourcesforattorneys.com Thu, 11 Sep 2008 01:31:00 GMT http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=09&entry=entry080910-203100 http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080910-202701 A. Because Jimmy doesn't want to be the worst President in history.

Q. Why will Senator Hillary Clinton vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he stole the primary election fair and square.

Q. Why will Jane Fonda vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Ho Chi Minh is dead.

Q. Why will Ho Chi Minh vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Ho Chi Minh is dead.

Q. Why will Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he's running out of George Bush jokes.

Q. Why will David Letterman vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he's running out of Jay Leno's George Bush jokes.

Q. Why will Britney Spears vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because she's running out of other crazy things to do.

Q. Why will Bill Ayers vote for Barack Obama?
A. Bill thinks Obama's the bomb.


Q. Why will sharks vote for Barack Obama?
A. Professional courtesy.]]> Barack Obama http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080910-202701 Resources For Attorneys politicaljokes@resourcesforattorneys.com Thu, 11 Sep 2008 01:27:01 GMT http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=09&entry=entry080910-202701 http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080904-120903
The truth is what others will believe.

If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for.

Don't lie, cheat or steal...unnecessarily.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

A promise is not a guarantee.

Chicken little only has to be right once.

"NO" is only a temporary response.

You can't keep a bad idea down.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

If you make a mistake blame it on the other side.

Don't confuse people with the facts. Just give them the spin.

You can agree with any concept or idea in principle, but fight implementation every step of the way.

If you can't counter the argument, find an excuse to leave the meeting.]]> General http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080904-120903 Resources For Attorneys politicaljokes@resourcesforattorneys.com Thu, 04 Sep 2008 17:09:03 GMT http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=09&entry=entry080904-120903 http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080524-204433
Do you know what Barack Obama's middle name is? Hussein. Could've been worse. Could've been Kerry. Jay Leno

I refer to him as B. Hussein Obama. He's half white and half black, half Christian and half Muslim and half atheist. Something there for every Democrat. Ann Coulter

The Reverend Jesse Jackson told CNN that he's planning to endorse Barack Obama for president. Experts say this is a risky move for Jackson, because hardly anything rhymes with 'Barack Obama.' Conan O'Brien

Senator Hillary Clinton and Senator Barack Obama have been sniping at each other back and forth. It's getting ugly. The good news for Obama is, all this bickering with Hillary is making him look presidential. Conan O'Brien]]> Barack Obama http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080524-204433 Resources For Attorneys politicaljokes@resourcesforattorneys.com Sun, 25 May 2008 01:44:33 GMT http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080524-204433