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Do you know what Barack Obama's middle name is? Hussein. Could've been worse. Could've been Kerry. Jay Leno

I refer to him as B. Hussein Obama. He's half white and half black, half Christian and half Muslim and half atheist. Something there for every Democrat. Ann Coulter

The Reverend Jesse Jackson told CNN that he's planning to endorse Barack Obama for president. Experts say this is a risky move for Jackson, because hardly anything rhymes with 'Barack Obama.' Conan O'Brien

Senator Hillary Clinton and Senator Barack Obama have been sniping at each other back and forth. It's getting ugly. The good news for Obama is, all this bickering with Hillary is making him look presidential. Conan O'Brien]]> http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080512-202834
"Barack Obama gave a big speech on race, and there was one heckler in the audience, kept screaming crazy stuff the whole time. Turns out it was his pastor." --Jay Leno

"Senator Obama answered doubts about his inexperience by saying he has gained tremendous insight from his work as a community organizer, civil rights attorney, constitutional law professor, key club president, 4H treasurer, lunch room monitor, two years of jazz, and four years of tap." --Amy Poehler

"Did you all see Barack Obama and Hillary last night at that debate? Did you see them sitting side by side, staring at the camera? They looked like one of those bad local eyewitness news teams. 'Let's go to Barack for the weather. Thank you, Hillary.'" --Jay Leno

"Senator Barack Obama was in Los Angeles last night for a huge campaign fundraiser. That shows you what a great country this is -- when an African-American with a Kansas mother and a Kenyan father, who spent time growing up in Indonesia and is running for president, spending time in a state where Spanish-speaking people have elected an Austrian governor." --Jay Leno]]> http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080505-213054
The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."

The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iran or I'm gonna spill his brains all over the place."

The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Listen to me. The pilot's got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."

The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigator's head and repeated, "Take this plane to Iran or I'm gonna spill his brains all over the place."

The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldn't find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iran. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."

The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the passenger's head and demanded, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill his brains all over the place."

No one said a word, at first, then the pilot, co-pilot, and navigator all brust into laughter. "He's President Bush!" they laughed. "He doesn't have any brains!"]]> http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080425-213009
The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians.

A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer's field and noticed the bus wreck. He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer explained that he'd gone ahead and buried all of them.

"Were they ALL dead?" asked the puzzled sheriff.

"Well, some of them said they weren't," said the old farmer, "but you know how them politicians lie." ]]> http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080416-234849
"I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.

"No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb.

"I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb.

"No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan

"I have had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan.

"No, you haven't" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.

Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming.

"I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so."

In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty.

"I am the smallest person in the world. Merlin agrees."

In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, "Who the heck is Bill Clinton"]]> http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080404-211418
“Senator Obama answered doubts about his inexperience by saying he has gained tremendous insight from his work as a community organizer, civil rights attorney, constitutional law professor, key club president, 4H treasurer, lunch room monitor, two years of jazz, and four years of tap.” –Amy Poehler

“Did you all see Barack Obama and Hillary last night at that debate? Did you see them sitting side by side, staring at the camera? They looked like one of those bad local eyewitness news teams. ‘Let’s go to Barack for the weather. Thank you, Hillary.’” –Jay Leno

“According to a new report by a genealogy company, Barack Obama’s great-great-great-grandfather was born in Ireland. Yeah, that should really solidify Obama’s support among Irish African-Americans raised in Hawaii.” –Conan O’Brien

“Senator Hillary Clinton is back from her fact-finding trip to Iraq. She had to cut the trip short because she had to address a growing threat here at home — Barack Obama.” –Jay Leno]]> http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080321-153340
One of the candidates fled to take shelter in a nearby restaurant along with half a dozen regulars. The other candidate, however, continued to move through the crowd - shaking hands, kissing babies, etc.

"That man's persistence yonder," observed one of the natives, "sure makes it easy to know who to vote for."

"Yep," another native agreed. "Sure can't see myself casting a vote for a man who hasn't the good sense to come in out of the rain."]]> http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080313-214145
Later they came upon another homeless man. The Democrat, not wanting to be outdone, reached into the Republican's pocket and took $50 and gave it to the homeless man and then told him where the welfare office was located.
]]> http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080306-215821
This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue.

It was not wise to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since Bill Clinton could never tell the difference.

We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest democrat of all. He left not knowing where he was going, did not know where he was, returned not knowing where he had been and did it all on borrowed money]]> http://politicaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080303-220241
The cop said, "Man we are in a crisis situation. Mr. Clinton is in the road very upset. He does not have the $33.5 million that he owes his lawyers, and his family hates him. He is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and start a fire."

The marine asked the cop exactly what he was doing there." The cop said, " I feel sorry for the president so I am going car to car asking for donations."

The marine asked, "How much do you have so far?"

The cop replied, "Well as of right now only 33 gallons, but many people are still siphoning as we speak!"]]>