A young man's parents were trying to figure out what their son's future career would be so they decided to give him a test.

They took a twenty dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home. The father told the mother, "If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible he will be a clergyman but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home. He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. Then, he took the twenty dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took a whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead and said, "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined..."

"What do you mean?" his wife asked.

"Our son is going to be a politician!" replied the very unhappy father.

NASA was celebrating, they had just made the scientific breakthrough of a lifetime.

As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.

He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.

"Mr. President," he said, grinning broadly, "after fifteen years of hard research costing billions of dollars, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars."

He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.

He said, "But that's impossible ... we could never do it. ... yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously.

"I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars ... he wants us to try to find it in Congress."

The government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night; so they created a night watchman, and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning division and hired two people, one person to write the instructions and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a quality control (QC) division and hired two people, one to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created a payroll division and hired two more people a time keeper and a payroll officer.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative division and hired three more people: an Admin Officer, Assistant Admin Officer and a Legal Secretary.

Then, one year later, Congress reviewed the operation of the desert scrap yard and said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $22,000 over budget. We must cut back overall costs!" So they eliminated the night watchman.

A high-priced call girl brings a customer to her fancy apartment. He admires the fancy furnishings and the art and asks how she was able to amass such splendor. She replies that those really were her father's, that he was a politician for forty years.

He said, "How come you didn't follow in his footsteps instead of choosing this way of life?"

She sighed and said, "Oh, just lucky I guess. Besides, I had my moral standards to uphold."

An honest answer can cost you the election.

The truth is what others will believe.

If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for.

Don't lie, cheat or steal...unnecessarily.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

A promise is not a guarantee.

Chicken little only has to be right once.

"NO" is only a temporary response.

You can't keep a bad idea down.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

If you make a mistake blame it on the other side.

Don't confuse people with the facts. Just give them the spin.

You can agree with any concept or idea in principle, but fight implementation every step of the way.

If you can't counter the argument, find an excuse to leave the meeting.