"All the other Democratic candidates are continuing to attack Hillary Clinton. In fact, in the debate the other night, they accused Hillary Clinton of having things both ways. Which is ironic, 'cause Bill's been trying to talk her into that for years." --Jay Leno

"Presidential candidate Barack Obama ... went door to door in Iowa over the weekend to talk about his opposition to the war and gain votes. Hillary Clinton also went door to door -- not looking for votes, trying to find her husband." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday on the campaign trail ... Senator Hillary Clinton was extremely critical of NAFTA, even though the program was implemented by Bill Clinton. When asked about it, Hillary said, 'It's not just NAFTA. I'm also opposed to my husband's views on MILFs." --Conan O'Brien

"Hillary has a big lead in the Democratic race for president. Political insiders are speculating that if Hillary Clinton wins the nomination, she may choose a Hispanic running mate. When he heard about this, Bill Clinton yelled, 'How 'bout Salma Hayek?'" --Conan O'Brien

"Last week, it got a little dramatic. Senator Hillary Clinton called General Petraeus a liar. And believe this, if there's one thing she knows, it's how to spot a guy who's lying." --Jay Leno

"Senator Hillary Clinton is back from her fact-finding trip to Iraq. She had to cut the trip short because she had to address a growing threat here at home -- Barack Obama." --Jay Leno

"Hillary says she has gotten hundreds of calls telling her to go out on the road and campaign for the next two years. And that's just from her husband, Bill." --Jay Leno

"Politics is a dirty business. Hillary Clinton announced she's running for president, and the Republicans are already busy digging up dirt. They found out that once in her lifetime she slept with Bill Clinton." --David Letterman

"Because it's a long, horrifying process to run for the nomination, candidates often like to have fun on the campaign trail. And a couple of days ago — this is great — Hillary Clinton, while she was flying on her campaign airplane, pretended to be a flight attendant. But that's not all. She was so convincing that Bill actually hit on her." --Jay Leno

"Congratulations to Hillary Clinton. The big winner up there in New Hampshire. Congratulations to her, did a a nice job. Yeah, despite all the predictions by the pundits, Hillary Clinton refused to roll over. How many times has Bill heard that?" --Jay Leno