Politics - Political Jokes Humor And Satire
Archives 

Show All

  • 2008
    • September
      • Career Test
        09/14/08
        A young man's parents were trying to figure out what their son's future career would be so they decided to give him a test.

        They took a twenty dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren

      • Impossible Task
        09/14/08
        NASA was celebrating, they had just made the scientific breakthrough of a lifetime.

        As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.

        He p

      • How Government Works
        09/14/08
        The government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night; so they created a night watchman, and hired a person for the job.

        Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a plann

      • Standards
        09/10/08
        A high-priced call girl brings a customer to her fancy apartment. He admires the fancy furnishings and the art and asks how she was able to amass such splendor. She replies that those really were her father's, that he was a politician for forty years.

        He said, "How come you didn

      • Bill Clinton Tries To Get Into Heaven
        09/10/08
        Clinton died and went to heaven or to be more accurate, approached the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.

        "It's me, President Bill Clinton."

        "And what do you want?" asked St. P

      • Right To Vote
        09/10/08
        Like any experienced Chicago politician, Obama would go the cemetary to register voters. One night he came across a grave so old and worn that he couldn't make out the name on the tombstone. The staffer holding the flashlight got impatient and suggested they just move on to the next plot. Obama

      • Fishing For The Presidency
        09/10/08
        The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The cand

      • Why Some People Will Vote For Barack Obama
        09/10/08
        Q. Why will Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
        A. Because Jimmy doesn't want to be the worst President in history.

        Q. Why will Senator Hillary Clinton vote for Barack Obama?
        A. Because he stole the primary election fair and square.

        Q. Why will Jane Fonda vote fo

      • Rules Politicians Live By
        09/04/08
        An honest answer can cost you the election.

        The truth is what others will believe.

        If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for.

        Don't lie, cheat or steal...unnecessarily.

        The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
    • May
      • Obama Quips #2
        05/24/08
        Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence ... and then he had to leave to attend a fundraiser. Jay Leno

        Do you know what Barack Obama's middle name is? Hussein. Could've been worse. Could've been Kerry. Jay Leno

        I refer

      • Obama Quips
        05/12/08
        "Everyone is so concerned now where all of the candidates are born. McCain was born on a military base in Panama. Hillary was born outside Chicago, and if you believe the media, Barack Obama was born in a manger." --Jay Leno

        "Barack Obama gave a big speech on race, and ther

      • Highjacker
        05/05/08
        A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door bursts open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and a passenger. The passenger happens to be George W Bush.(I know, he would not be on a cargo plane but it is necessary for this joke

    • April
      • A busload of politicians
        04/25/08
        A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's field.

        The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians.

        A

      • Bragging Rights
        04/16/08
        Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight.

        "I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.

        "No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb.

        "I am the smallest person in the world

      • Obama Quickies
        04/04/08
        “Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence … and then he had to leave to attend a fundraiser.” –Jay Leno

        “Senator Obama answered doubts about his inexperience by saying he has gained tremendous insight from his work as a community organizer, civ

    • March
      • Campaigning
        03/21/08
        Two candidates for political office inadvertently scheduled simultaneous campaign rallys in the same park of a small New England town. After a lengthy round of speeches, the candidates worked their way through the crowd - shaking hands, kissing babies and beaming mightily. Suddenly, the skies opened

      • Homeless Man
        03/13/08
        Two rookie Congressmen, one Democrat and one Republican, were walking along the street in D.C. They came upon a homeless man asleep on the sidewalk. The Republican woke him up, gave him $20 for something to eat and gave him a lead on where he might get a job. The Democrat was very impressed.
        <

      • Bill Clinton Statue
        03/06/08
        We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D.C.

        This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue.

        It was not wise to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never

      • Crisis Situation
        03/03/08
        A Marine was coming home from the Pentagon one day. He noticed that there was a lot more traffic than normal. As he got further up the road all of the traffic had come to a halt. He saw a policeman coming towards his car, so he asked the cop what was wrong.

        The cop said, "Man we are

    • February
      • Modern Noah And The Ark
        02/28/08
        And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole Earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people and two of every kind of living things on the planet. I am ordering you to build an Ark.&quo

      • A Basic Conservative
        02/27/08
        The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative. A hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find the owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate yo

      • Walking On Water
        02/25/08
        The Pope is visiting DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac ... sailing on the presidential yacht, the Sequoia.

        They're admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water. Secret service gu

      • Clocks
        02/23/08
        A man is standing on the corner, when suddenly a bus hits and kills him. He finds himself on line at the Pearly Gates waiting to speak to Saint Peter. As he is standing in line he notices millions of clocks around him. When he gets up to St. Peter, he asks: "What are all of these clocks for?&qu

      • Bad News
        02/21/08
        Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly checkup. When she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape but that she was pregnant! She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she most definitely was a month pregnant.
      • Signs You Might Be A Liberal #3
        02/20/08
        You own an espresso maker, a cusinart, a vibrator, and a heated water bed and yet oppose off shore oil drilling and the construction of nuclear power plants.

        You don't go into a fit of rage when Barney is on TV.

        You think O.J. is actually innocent, but that Bernard Goetz

      • Signs You Might Be A Liberal #2
        02/18/08
        You ever proposed that cockaroaches should be placed on the endangered species list.

        You ever drove to an Earth Day rally in a Lincoln Towncar, or a Ferrari.

        You blame the Republicans for rainy weather.

        You never wished that Star Trek had more ship to ship combat

      • Signs You Might Be A Liberal #1
        02/16/08
        You paid $500,000.00 for a beer keg once used by John F. Kennedy.

        You protested American intervention in Vietnam, but support American intervention in Haiti, Somalia, and Bosnia.

        Upon hearing that President Clinton committed a rape and murder as part of Whitewater, you replie

      • Wizard Of Oz
        02/14/08
        Former Vice President Dan Quayle, Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, and Former President Bill Clinton are traveling by car in Kansas. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them many miles away. They fall into a daze.

        When they come to and extract themse

      • Making People Happy
        02/13/08
        Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

        Al shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the windo

      • Lock up the Livestock
        02/12/08
        A politician was campaigning in a rural area.

        Outside a ramshackle house, he saw a young man milking a cow. He approached the man, ready to make his pitch for a vote.

        Just as he was getting started, an old man called from inside the house. "Luke, get in the house. And who

      • I'd like to see President Clinton
        02/12/08
        A few day's after George W. Bush's inauguration, a man came up to the uniformed Marine on duty at the White House and said "I'd like to see President Clinton".

        The Marine politely answered "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president."

        The man sai

      • Hoya
        02/10/08
        It was election time, again. So, a politician decided to go out to the local reservation to gather support from the Native Americans. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech.

        The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excite

      • Bill Clinton Bumper Stickers
        02/08/08
        It's still the economy.
        And he's still stupid.

        Clinton and Gore,
        Should have been gone in four!

        Honk if Bill Clinton says you're rich!

        Bumper sticker on Arkansan car:
        If you can read this You're not from here

        Impeach Clin

      • What To Have For Dinner
        02/06/08
        Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.

        "The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says.

        The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks.

        "Oh, He will

      • Learning From The best
        02/04/08
        DAD - Son, come in here, we need to talk.

        SON - What's up, Dad?

        DAD - There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?

        SON - I don't believe; if I understand the definition of "scratch the car"; that I can say, truthfully,that I

      • Bill Clinton Poll Results
        02/04/08
        An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 women with the question: Would you sleep with Former US President Bill Clinton?

        1% said, "No"
        2% said, "Yes"
        97% said, "Never Again"

      • Democrats versus Republicans
        02/01/08
        1. Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.

        2. Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out.

        3. Republicans usually wear hats

      • Lowering Healthcare Costs
        02/01/08
        Health care costs are rising uncontrollably across the world. In America, taxes have been on the rise just to pay for them.

        In England, they have begun rationing health care services and in some cases they have waiting lists for services just to reduce costs even more. In fact, they now h

    • January
      • Smart Car Radio
        01/29/08
        A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.

        Once at the dealer, she fou

      • A Matter Of State
        01/29/08
        President Vladimir Putin called President Bush with an emergency:
        "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried; "My people's favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"

        "Boris, the American people would be happy t

      • More Gore Quotes
        01/28/08
        "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'"

        -- Vice President Al Gore, 12/6/93


        --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
        "Verbosity lead

      • Gore Quotes
        01/28/08
        "We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

        -- Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97


        --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
        "For NASA, space is still a high priority."

        -- Vic

      • What Americans Want
        01/28/08
        Tired of his low approval ratings, President Clinton called up the head of the CIA and said, "I want your very best agent over here first thing in the morning."

        Moments later, a call went out to the Middle East, and the most gifted American agent was headed back to Washington.
      • You Might Be Right Wing If
        01/26/08
        You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

        You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend."

        You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
      • More Ways To Be A Good Democrat
        01/26/08
        1. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

        2. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

        3. You have to believe that tax

      • Ways To Be A Good Democrat
        01/26/08
        1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

        2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

        3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law

      • More Bill Clinton One Liners
        01/26/08
        When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied, "I don't know. I never had one."

        If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph, what shutter spe

      • Bill Clinton One Liners
        01/26/08
        Clinton and Gore: They have what it takes to take what you've got!

        "Carter is no longer the worst U.S. President"

        "I am Clinton of Borg. Your incomes will be assimilated."

        Thank you, Bill Clinton, for costing me my job. I will repay you in 19

      • Barak Obama Quick Jokes
        01/26/08
        "Over the weekend, Senator Barack Obama visited New Hampshire and thousands of people showed up to hear him speak. The New Hampshire crowds were excited, because apparently, this is the first time they've ever seen an African-American." --Conan O'Brien

        "The Revere

      • More Hillary Clinton Quick Jokes
        01/26/08
        "All the other Democratic candidates are continuing to attack Hillary Clinton. In fact, in the debate the other night, they accused Hillary Clinton of having things both ways. Which is ironic, 'cause Bill's been trying to talk her into that for years." --Jay Leno

        "

      • Hillary Clinton Quick Jokes
        01/26/08
        "Senator Hillary Clinton is back from her fact-finding trip to Iraq. She had to cut the trip short because she had to address a growing threat here at home -- Barack Obama." --Jay Leno

        "Hillary says she has gotten hundreds of calls telling her to go out on the road and camp