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2008
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February
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Modern Noah And The Ark
02/28/08
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole Earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people and two of every kind of living things on the planet. I am ordering you to build an Ark.&quo -
A Basic Conservative
02/27/08
The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative. A hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find the owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate yo -
Walking On Water
02/25/08
The Pope is visiting DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac ... sailing on the presidential yacht, the Sequoia.
They're admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water. Secret service gu -
Clocks
02/23/08
A man is standing on the corner, when suddenly a bus hits and kills him. He finds himself on line at the Pearly Gates waiting to speak to Saint Peter. As he is standing in line he notices millions of clocks around him. When he gets up to St. Peter, he asks: "What are all of these clocks for?&qu -
Bad News
02/21/08
Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly checkup. When she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape but that she was pregnant! She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she most definitely was a month pregnant.
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Signs You Might Be A Liberal #3
02/20/08
You own an espresso maker, a cusinart, a vibrator, and a heated water bed and yet oppose off shore oil drilling and the construction of nuclear power plants.
You don't go into a fit of rage when Barney is on TV.
You think O.J. is actually innocent, but that Bernard Goetz -
Signs You Might Be A Liberal #2
02/18/08
You ever proposed that cockaroaches should be placed on the endangered species list.
You ever drove to an Earth Day rally in a Lincoln Towncar, or a Ferrari.
You blame the Republicans for rainy weather.
You never wished that Star Trek had more ship to ship combat -
Signs You Might Be A Liberal #1
02/16/08
You paid $500,000.00 for a beer keg once used by John F. Kennedy.
You protested American intervention in Vietnam, but support American intervention in Haiti, Somalia, and Bosnia.
Upon hearing that President Clinton committed a rape and murder as part of Whitewater, you replie -
Wizard Of Oz
02/14/08
Former Vice President Dan Quayle, Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, and Former President Bill Clinton are traveling by car in Kansas. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them many miles away. They fall into a daze.
When they come to and extract themse -
Making People Happy
02/13/08
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Al shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the windo -
Lock up the Livestock
02/12/08
A politician was campaigning in a rural area.
Outside a ramshackle house, he saw a young man milking a cow. He approached the man, ready to make his pitch for a vote.
Just as he was getting started, an old man called from inside the house. "Luke, get in the house. And who -
I'd like to see President Clinton
02/12/08
A few day's after George W. Bush's inauguration, a man came up to the uniformed Marine on duty at the White House and said "I'd like to see President Clinton".
The Marine politely answered "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president."
The man sai -
Hoya
02/10/08
It was election time, again. So, a politician decided to go out to the local reservation to gather support from the Native Americans. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech.
The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excite -
Bill Clinton Bumper Stickers
02/08/08
It's still the economy.
And he's still stupid.
Clinton and Gore,
Should have been gone in four!
Honk if Bill Clinton says you're rich!
Bumper sticker on Arkansan car:
If you can read this You're not from here
Impeach Clin -
What To Have For Dinner
02/06/08
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says.
The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, He will -
Learning From The best
02/04/08
DAD - Son, come in here, we need to talk.
SON - What's up, Dad?
DAD - There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?
SON - I don't believe; if I understand the definition of "scratch the car"; that I can say, truthfully,that I -
Bill Clinton Poll Results
02/04/08
An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 women with the question: Would you sleep with Former US President Bill Clinton?
1% said, "No"
2% said, "Yes"
97% said, "Never Again" -
Democrats versus Republicans
02/01/08
1. Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.
2. Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out.
3. Republicans usually wear hats -
Lowering Healthcare Costs
02/01/08
Health care costs are rising uncontrollably across the world. In America, taxes have been on the rise just to pay for them.
In England, they have begun rationing health care services and in some cases they have waiting lists for services just to reduce costs even more. In fact, they now h
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Modern Noah And The Ark
- January
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